I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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