she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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