Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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