Can i not drive my cunt home
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
