my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
whose ass print is on the piano?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
