ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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