before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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