That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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