sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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