we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
