watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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