Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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