Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
