We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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