He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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