Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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