11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
