How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I got inside last night via doggy door
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!