Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?