Are we in a gay sports bar?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.