Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
