Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Randomize
