yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
