if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
