What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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