After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
