Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
