So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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