Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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