you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
you made out with another girl for some wings
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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