I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
