He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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