all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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