Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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