reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
