In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
