Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Randomize