Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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