you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
