i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
this will be a night to untag.
Did I show you my penis last night?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
