Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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