then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
