It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I want to fling myself into the sun
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
