it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
