I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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