Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
