the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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