The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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