they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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