I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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