i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
