I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
