I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
