Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Tornado booty call.. dedication
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
