My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
