Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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