the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
