I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
