based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
