I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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