ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
