the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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