Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
