Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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